Outhouse memories

Hey, do you remember the old outhouse?
Oh the dark and nightmare reek!
Hold your nose and go real quick,
bum perched on the old wooden seat.

Then there was the job to empty the pan,
damn do anything but that that!
Crutch, dig, hammer, run and cart -
just spare me emptying the crap.

The seat, it always seemed loose,
no matter how tight the screws.
Sand down the old wooden curves
yet splinter still tears your trews.

And then there was the old brown snake
that hid in there from the sun.
Bang like hell on the dunny wall
and watch the sinewy bugger run.

Damn and blast the selfish sod
who used the last of the paper,
didn't bother putting more on the nail
for the next sod's use after their labour.

There's plenty about those old, old days
that we rightly care for and miss,
but spare me more outhouse memories,
I'd rather forget than reminisce.