Friday, December 24, 2010

A Christmas Ode from Ross

'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house

Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.

And the children lay sleeping, all tucked up in their beds,

Dreams of their Christmas day loot, dancing through their fat little heads.

Mum and Dad sat up worrying, having been desperate all day,

'Cos to pay for their Christmas, a credit card bill they'd now have to pay.

It seemed a good idea at the time, all the food and presents they'd bought,

But when the bailiff comes calling, it's off to the bankruptcy court.

Upon the night breeze, from a long way away,

Hark - hear the sounds, it's the bells of a sleigh.

Gasping with amazement, everyone rushed out into the cold

And to their surprise, Santa showered them with gold.

When I say gold, I'm afraid that I really mean lead,

You see old Santa's gone mad, gone quite queer in the head.

The sleigh flew on by, the reindeer all puffed and tiring

While Santa leaned out, with a machine gun a-firing.

"Take that ya greedy bastards", he was heard to scream out,

And laughed at the corpses, lying there all mangled about.

But alas for poor Santa, he then slipped in the dark,

For as usual he was drunk - yes as pissed as a fart.

He fell down toward the roof, down through the chimney he fell,

Into a fireplace blazing bright, like the flames down in hell.

His whisky laden breath, the sparks did then ignite,

And with a roar he exploded, the flames lighting up the dark night.

So that's the end of my tale, my sad story's been told,

And it's a sign of the times, that Santa's paranoia took hold.

I had a moral to relate, when I began this grand fable,

But I forget what it was, so I'll just say ..........

Have a Merry


and a Happy New Year!!!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

There was a young addict...

There was a young addict called Haddock
Who went to get high in the attic
But the hit that he got
Was a hot heroin shot
And now Haddock the addict has had it.

(it sounds better than it looks)